Having children, in my opinion, is the most awesome thing ever. Days are filled with laughter and amazing memories and general terrificness…if that were a word.
There are also mornings that start when the world will never have enough coffee and end with me multitasking. And of course by multitasking I mean opening a bottle of wine, making a straw big enough to drink from the bottle of wine and pulling my hair out.
I have grouped together a few ways to go insane. Just in case you were lacking in the department, which if you have young children, or older children, or CHILDREN, I’m sure you’ve got your own list. I made this one in record time. It was easy. Want another one? I could rattle one off pretty easily.
Twelve ways to go INSANE:
1. Mop the floors and let your children eat crackers and pour their own milk.
2. Give them bubble wrap.
3. Teach them how to use the remote, but not totally, so they constantly turn the TV off, try and order porn or turn the volume to the highest level while you’re on the phone with the bank.
4. Tell them not to do something and watch them do it a million times. While they watch you back.
5. Tell them you’re putting sunblock on them when it’s already on your hands and watch them run away.
6. Teach them how to turn on, and subsequently off, the garden hose. Watch your garden die.
7. Have three children. In three years.
8. Tell them you’re having pizza for dinner and then change your mind.
9. Put a barrette in your little girl’s hair. Correction: TRY to put a barrette in a little girl’s hair.
10. Teach them how to put toothpaste on their toothbrushes by themselves. Try NOT to say “Just a little!”.
11. Ask them to measure flour for you.
12. Push your grocery cart (with child in seat) directly along the edge of the aisle with all the glass jars.
How to have an hysterically awesome day:
Do #1 through #12 but with a better attitude. Watch your day get insanely better.
There is something I firmly believe and it is this: The only thing you can change is your attitude.
Bad days happen. When I am tired and grumpy, you will know. Or at the very least, my husband will tell you. It’s the same with my kids and pretty much everyone.
It could always be worse. Always. My daughter’s big toe was literally underneath my eyelid at one point today. That HAPPENED. I could have gotten really mad (although I was in a lot of pain so I had to wait for it to subside) but after it was all over and I could see again-it was funny! I laugh a lot with my kids and at my kids. Why? Because it makes for a great day. Five years from now I will remember how funny they were and not how frustrated I was. I like that.
Change your attitude and change your day.
Here’s to hoping you have an amazing day! Cheer up and your world will be cheery!
But I swear if something else spills on the floor after I mop, I might lose my mind. Seriously. How can they spill so much?